The main "leftover" effect I have from chemo is neuropathy in my hands, especially my left hand. It basically feels like it's asleep most of the time, which makes certain tasks like typing, grabbing, or carrying things a little tricky. It gets worse at night, and will wake me up sometimes. Flexing my fingers repeatedly helps a little bit but it never completely goes away. I also experienced my eyebrows and eyelashes falling out about a month post-chemo. I didn't expect it to happen so late in the game but they grew back almost as quickly as they fell out. Weird!
Jeremy and I decided we were long overdue for a break, so it worked out nicely that the end of my radiation coincided with a 1-week hiatus he had between his graduate courses. The opportunity to take a break, physically and mentally, was completely necessary. We've been treading water for the past 10 months. Sometimes you don't realize just how much stress you're under until you step away from it for few moments.
We visited our happy place, where we were married over 7 years ago. It was a reminder that we're in this together, for better or for worse. I am truly proud of us; some days I don't know how we keep up the pace but we're doing it, one day at a time.
Our first 2 nights away from Ben and guess what...everyone survived! Thank you Nana, Grampy, and Mimi for watching the boys :)
In a few weeks, I'm scheduled to have a CT scan and a bone scan to check for any rogue cancer cells. Hopefully I'll get some peace of mind that my recurrent backaches are nothing major. And in a month or so, I'll have a PET scan, which is essentially the "full body" scan to determine if there's any evidence of cancer. If it's done too soon after completing radiation, it can result in false positives, hence the delay. I'm hopeful and anxious for the moment I can say with some degree of certainty that I'm "cancer free."
Over the past month, I've had some time to decide how to approach the next phase of treatment: hormone suppression. In my last post, I mentioned some of my options, but I've had to do some additional homework to figure out which is right for me.
In order to decrease the odds of future cancer recurrence, my body must go into menopause. Because my particular cancer is fueled by estrogen, I have to stop producing it. This can be done in two ways: chemical menopause (Lupron injections to suppress the ovaries from functioning) or surgically-induced menopause (removing the ovaries and fallopian tubes).
If I choose the lupron injections, I'll get them every 3 months for the next 10 years. At that point, it's possible that my ovaries would resume normal functioning. If I choose surgery, there's no need for injections because my ovaries will be permanently removed. With either option, I'll also take a daily oral medication, called an aromatase-inhibitor. And with both options, I'll experience all of the lovely side effects of menopause: hot flashes, mood swings, bloating/weight gain, increased risk of osteoporosis (your bones need estrogen to stay strong), increased risk of heart disease, and other fun stuff. A normal woman might be eligible to take certain medications (ie hormone therapy) to lessen the side effects, but any type of hormone therapy will be off the table in my case.
I had a consultation with my OB to discuss the pros/cons of surgery. It's typically an outpatient laparoscopic procedure with an average recovery time of two weeks. My OB does these all the time, but I'd probably be her youngest patient.
The injections are given by my oncologist 4 times per year, which seems simple enough. However, I've heard from other women who've been on Lupron and some have referred to it as "the devil"...so...there's that.
Because at this point I'm just not ready to go through another surgery, I've decided to start with the Lupron injections. If at any time I decide to move forward with the surgery, I can. I learned from my oncologist that one option isn't significantly better or more effective than the other.
There's no way to predict how extreme the side effects will be. Maybe I'll get lucky and only have minimal discomfort. Or perhaps I'll morph into a sweaty mega-bitch with brittle bones and heart disease! I'm sure the reality will be somewhere in-between...I'm just having a hard time accepting the fact that no matter how you slice it, this is going to be a lifelong thing.
Chemical menopause means I won't be able to become pregnant for at least the next 10 years, so my OB referred me to a fertility specialist to make sure I was aware of my options (or lack thereof). Long story short, it would've been ideal to retrieve some of my eggs before I went through 16 rounds of chemo, but I was kinda pregnant at the time so that wasn't exactly a feasible option. I could still attempt to retrieve them at this point, but the specialist feels that it's unlikely they're still viable, due to the repeated exposure to chemo. Also, the retrieval process involves the use of hormones, which again would not be safe to administer in my case.
As much as I'd love for Ben to have a sibling someday, I don't think it'd be wise to go through another pregnancy ever again (plus I'd be at least 42 years old...). And anyways, we kiiiiinda hit it out of the park with Sweet Potato.
Needless to say, I have to smile and nod and cringe to myself when people innocently ask, "So, are ya ready for another one yet?" I suppose adoption is a future possibility but that requires a bank account that hasn't had it's ass kicked...
Speaking of things that kick ass, Ben is now 5 and 1/2 months old and getting cuter by the minute, even if you're not a Red Sox fan.
He has two teeth (!!) and sleeps about 10-11 hours every night (!!!!). His current interests include chewing on his hands, feet, blankets, clothes, crinkly books, every toy he owns, and anything else that comes within an inch of his face.
Our dog Charley is about the same since my last update. We took him to see a veterinary oncologist, just to hear what they had to say. Basically, we could "try" radiation to shrink the tumor, but the doctor has no idea whether it'd work or not. It's a complete crapshoot, it's incredibly expensive, and it would involve driving him to the vet 45 minutes each way, five days a week for an entire month. He'd have to be sedated every day. Every day! Not feasible.
We've decided to just continue keeping him comfortable. I was concerned that he might be experiencing a lot of pain, but the vet thinks it's more like a chronic ache. He'll still scoot himself around the house when he really wants to; every morning when I feed Ben, he drags himself into the nursery just to be near us. Dogged determination. We also assist him by using a harness to hoist up his hind legs, which helps tremendously. He continues to get a lot of pain meds and steroids...he's an official addict now. The moment he hears you open the medication bottle he perks right up. He still eats and sleeps normally...so until we feel that his quality of life is really diminishing, we're doing as much as we can for him.
Finally, for those who have asked, my sister is doing great! Also, my mother-in-law has been feeling a lot better. She was offered a temporary teaching position until the end of the school year, and will continue her search for employment after that. Thank you for continuing to keep them both in your thoughts and prayers :)
Thanks for reading,
Dee
