First Chemo (Like a BOSS)

I'm now two days past my first chemo treatment.  Here's a recap of how it went:

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Today is chemo day!  In the moments before the alarm went off at 6am, I laid in bed and could feel Sweet Potato moving around pretty actively.  I nudged Jeremy and placed his hand in the right spot, just in time for him to feel kicks for the very first time!  It was a literal reminder that our baby boy is alive and kicking in there, and ready to put up a fight! Exactly what we needed to start the day.

We arrived at the hospital at 8am, got checked in, and a nurse took us to the chemo area. It was actually a pretty nice set-up.  There are a series of little rooms with walls on 3 sides; each nook is equipped with two recliner chairs, a TV, and all the necessary medical equipment.  Jeremy and I were given our own room, though sometimes if there are a lot of patients, both recliners might be used for treatments.  

The nurse gave me a warm blanket (heavenly), checked my vitals, and then got ready to access my port.  She suited up and gave me a protective mask to wear.  Safety first!  She instructed me to take a deep breath and I focused on the clock on the wall, not interested in watching any part of this process.  I definitely felt slight pressure and stinging, but overall it wasn't that bad.  She explained that it should get easier each time.  Jeremy was proud of himself for glancing in my general direction during the process; he figured it was the least he could do and I'm happy to report he didn't pass out!

Ready for the Red Devil

Stealing French Fries

The nurse then set me up with some IV fluids, and left us alone for about an hour. Jeremy nerded out by bringing his ABA textbook to catch up on some reading for his graduate class.  I played on my phone and drank a Capri Sun like an 8-year-old.  

Next up were two anti-nausea meds, which took about another hour to administer.  I think there were also some IV steroids thrown in the mix as well.  

Then it was time for the real stuff...Adriamycin, AKA " the red devil."  I'd heard some stories about this drug, and was admittedly apprehensive about it.  I mean, it obviously doesn't get that nickname for being pleasant! It arrived in a bag covered with warning signs and yellow caution tape.  It's bright red in color, appearing like an IV bag of Hawaiian Punch.  This will be my baby's first cocktail :(

The nurse explained that this drug has a tendency to seep into surrounding tissue when it's being administered.  Therefore, she had to actually sit with me and monitor the IV line every minute to ensure that it wasn't leaking anywhere.  I think this process took about 30 minutes or so.  I was then told that the next several times I use the bathroom, my pee will probably be bright red.  Good to know!  (And yes, if you're curious, this was confirmed shortly thereafter).

After that was another round of fluids, and then the second chemo drug, Cytoxan.  The biggest warning with this drug is that it can affect your kidneys, so staying hydrated is important.  The nurse didn't have to sit and monitor this one, so we ordered some lunch and pretty much relaxed.

I finished with another hefty dose of fluids, and then it was time for me to be dismissed! I got "unplugged," (which didn't hurt at all).  The nurses called in a prescription for Zofran, to address any nausea that might creep up once I'm at home.  We also reviewed all side effects of the meds, and I was told that I'd probably start feeling my worst in about two days.  If I developed a fever of 100 degrees or more, they wanted me to contact my oncologist, as this would be a sign of a developing infection.  

So, 6 and 1/2 hours later, we headed home, and I felt decent.  Tired, but decent.  One treatment down, and three more to go before we get to meet our sweet baby boy!

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Because I'm a rule follower and was told to drink lots of water, last night I woke up every hour like clockwork to use the bathroom.  Luckily, I'm stealthy like a ninja so I don't think I disturbed Jeremy too much, as he had to get up at 5:45am and head to work.  

I was given an oral steroid to take once a day, for the two days following chemo.  I believe the purpose of this is to help boost my WBC count, which is important to fight off infection.  The result was that today I felt energized and not sick at all.  I cleaned the toilets, vacuumed the entire house, emptied the dishwasher, went on a blog-writing binge, made a few phone calls and emails, completed some end-of-the-month reports for work, and made dinner.  Yay for productivity!

All in all, the effects from the first treatment haven't been that bad.  But, in talking to others who have already been down this road, it does get more difficult with each subsequent treatment. So for now, I'm just thankful for each day that I feel "normal" and am slowly saving my energy for the days I know I'll be needing it.

Weekend Frenzy

Now that my first chemo was scheduled, I started thinking about the changes that will come with it:  hair loss, feeling like crap, and so on.  Then, I started thinking about the changes that pregnancy will bring:  a growing belly, feeling like crap, and so on.  So then, I started thinking about maternity pictures...you know, the cutesy pictures that you take when you have a beautiful pregnancy glow and perfect little bump?

Well, I had a hard time envisioning that scenario, since my body is beginning to feel so foreign to me.  Taking pictures was the last thing on my mind, considering all of the current BS and a self-esteem that has taken a beating.  But deep down, I knew that Jeremy and I would regret not having any pictures of this time in our lives, even though this chapter is turning out way different than we planned.

So, I decided to contact Root Photography, a husband and wife photography team based in Orlando that I've admired for years.  Seriously, years!  Looking at the calendar, there wasn't much time left to take pictures before my hair starts to fall out, so I knew it was a longshot that they'd have availability on such short notice.  Since Jeremy is back at work, the only time we could go is on a weekend, which is usually when photographers are busy with weddings and other big events.  But, I sent the Roots an email anyway, figuring it was worth a shot.

Lo and behold, someone else had the same idea.  The Roots responded right away, and told me that by some stroke of luck, another person (who wishes to remain anonymous), had just contacted them and told them about our situation.  So, someone out there had the same idea, at the same time, and contacted the same photographers.  We hadn't told ANYONE about this.  What??!! The Roots then informed us that a maternity session was already paid for...all we had to do was pick a date.  Again....what??!!

Long story short, I emailed the Roots back on Friday, 8/22, and we decided that the next day would work best for everyone.  Thus began a 24-hour frenzy of finding something to wear, getting a haircut, and deciding whether or not to stay overnight or drive back home after the session.  

Jeremy's birthday is coming up on September 2nd, so as his early gift, my parents arranged for us to stay overnight at the Swan and Dolphin hotel at Disney.  We turned this into a bit of a weekend birthday celebration, and it was nice to feel relatively normal for a change. We even got a random free upgrade to a balcony room that overlooks Hollywood Studios and had a great view of the fireworks that night. (Thanks again, mom and dad...xoxo)

Saturday morning, I made a last-minute appointment for a haircut, at my usual place in town. We met my parents and mother-in-law for coffee, dropped Charley off for an overnight "staycation," and headed to Orlando.  After checking in at our hotel, I had the bright idea to find a salon about 10 minutes away that offers make-up services.  I don't wear much makeup normally, so I thought it'd be nice to have it done professionally and do a little something to make me feel good about myself.  

I told the woman that I wanted a very natural, clean look.  Here's when I learned that sometimes I trust people way more than I should.  An hour later, I left this place looking like a cross between Snooki, an oompa loompa, and a creepy adult contestant on Toddlers and Tiaras.  NO JOKE.  I was tinted orange from the chest up.  And it was pouring rain outside.  I called Jeremy, who was relaxing at the hotel, and told him to prepare himself for the frazzled, hangry (hungry+angry=hangry) whirlwind that was about the enter the room.  I had about 20 minutes to scrub my face down, reapply makeup in an attempt to look halfway NORMAL, fix my rain-soaked hair, and head to our photo shoot.  I spent the car ride continuing to wipe remnants of orange paste from my neck and ears while Jeremy fed me handfuls of cashews.

We met up with the Roots in downtown Celebration.  They were so friendly and welcoming that from there on out, I began to relax and tried to enjoy the moment.  It was a super hot and humid afternoon; I only lasted about 10 minutes before I had to put my hair up due to the sweltering post-thunderstorm heat.  We'll laugh about this later!  I felt a little strange that I didn't yet have a full baby bump to show off, so we joked that I was posing with a food baby.  We spent an hour taking shots all around town, and then it was time to say goodbye to our new friends. THANK YOU NATHAN AND JENSEY!!  And, sincere thanks to the anonymous person who helped make this happen for us.  Yet again, I've been left speechless.

Jeremy and I headed back to the hotel and got a bite to eat.  We walked around the Boardwalk area and found a bench swing on the beach, looking across the water to the place where we had our wedding reception almost 7 years ago.  So of course, the tears started rolling, followed by Jeremy giving me a pep talk that someday we'll come back here and show our baby boy one of our favorite places.  He's the best <3

Sunday morning we stopped by to visit some good friends for lunch, who we don't get to see very often.  They have the cutest little boy, and as honorary Aunt and Uncle, we make it a point whenever we see him to bring him the most obnoxious gift we can find. Last time it was one of those Fisher Price push-toys that makes an ungodly popping noise when you push it.  Today he got a Disney cookie covered in blue frosting that may or may not have permanently stained his teeth and fingers.  You're welcome, B! ;)

Giving Thanks

Before I move on to other topics, I need to take a moment to give some MAJOR thanks.

If there's anything this experience has taught me so far, it's that there are a lot of good people in the world. From the moment my family first found ourselves on this new path, people have been closing in on all sides to make sure that we had all the support that we needed (even if we didn't yet know just how much we'd need it).

I'm talking...
phone calls
texts
meals prepared by family/friends/strangers
handmade scarves
inspirational books
care packages
cards
flowers
good luck charms
gifts for Sweet Potato
prayers being said across a variety of religions
grocery and restaurant gift cards
donations to fundraising pages
and the list goes on...

Jeremy and I have always prided ourselves on being financially responsible and independent.  We live in a modest townhouse, have decent cars, excellent credit (I am very proud of this), we pay bills and credit cards on time, we stick to a weekly budget, we save up money for travel or emergencies, if we can't afford it we don't buy it, etc. etc.  We're not rich but we're also not stupid.

But then something nasty comes knocking on the door and demands to move in for a while.  Cancer is our new housemate, and doesn't seem to care that we have a baby on the way.  And last time I checked, cancer and babies ain't cheap!  

I've never been in a position like this, and it is very humbling to be okay with accepting help when it's offered.  I have a stubborn personality, and feel like I can take care of everything.  Like, I'm fine...I got it...let's talk about you now!  Heck, I make a living helping people deal with their own daily struggles and am just not used to the tables being turned so suddenly.

There are two special people who have recently set up fundraising pages, to help us deal with the inevitable medical bills that are slowly but surely starting to roll our way.  

My amazing mother-in-law, Debbie, who's pretty much the nicest and most selfless person you'll ever meet, created a page after being asked by her coworkers, friends, and family how they could help.  She has also helped us find some great nursery furniture and other items we need by scouring the internet and jumping on a good deal when she sees it. 
Debbie's FundRazr Page

My sweet friend from high school, Amanda, also created a donation page for people who wish to contribute.  Thank you, Amanda...hugs from afar! And come visit us again soon :)
Amanda's GoFundMe Page

My dear brother, Chris, along with help from my cousin Sam and the rest of our crazy awesome extended family up north, set up a joint checking account for my sister and I to use when we need it.  Chris has really stepped up to the plate and been the best big brother that Sherri and I could ever ask for.  So on behalf of myself and my sister, who is not schooled in the world of blogging, THANK YOU.

My parents, Phyllis and Bill, also deserve a HUGE shout out.  Imagine learning that your oldest daughter has cancer.  And imagine that your daughter's husband is getting ready to have open heart surgery.  Then imagine that one week later, your youngest daughter, who is expecting her first child, calls you up to tell you that she has cancer too.  Mom and dad have been doing an unbelievable job dividing their time and love among all of us sickies. But, they need support as well and I have to keep reminding them that it's okay if they need to take a break.  It's actually a necessity!  So if you know them, please take a moment to remind them how great they are. Because, well, they are :)

I am learning that it's okay to let others help.  But what do you say to all of this?  A simple thank you seems completely underwhelming.  So, my hope is to pay it forward someday when somebody else finds themselves in an unimaginable situation.  I will be there for you, cancer free, with bells on and a healthy baby in tow!

Updates from August 18-22

This week I worked a fairly regular schedule and tried to see all of my clients before taking more time off for chemo.  I also had several doctor appointments so here's the quick rundown on that:

Eye Doctor 8/20/14

Went for an annual exam (love waiting until I'm on my last pair of contacts!).  I went to a new doctor this time because I wasn't crazy about the place I'd been going for the past several years.  My vision hadn't changed and I talked briefly with the optometrist about my diagnosis. She mentioned that because breast cancer can sometimes spread to the brain, it is good to monitor for any changes in vision that could be a symptom of brain metastasis.  

Maternal Fetal Specialist 8/21/14

Jeremy left work a few hours early so he could come along for another ultrasound to get some pre-chemo measurements of the baby.  As of today, I'm 22 weeks, 5 days pregnant.  Baby is measuring perfectly and weighs about 1lb. 3oz., right on par!  His heart and all of his organs are up and running normally.  We saw him stretching and moving around, though he was too stubborn to pose for any pictures.  We joked that he officially met his first bully:  the ultrasound tech who pushed him around trying to get him in a different position to no avail.  I wonder where he gets his stubbornness from?!

We'll be visiting Dr. R. every 3 weeks, so she can check on Sweet Potato just prior to each chemo treatment.  She'll mainly be monitoring his growth, to see if it stalls or becomes restricted in any way.  

Oncologist 8/22/14

My mom came along to my oncology appointment today.  I'm glad she's been able to meet some of the doctors on my team, not to mention she's really good at taking notes so that I'm free to just listen to the doctor and not have to commit everything to memory.

I was the first appointment of the day and lucky me, I got to have labs taken by my favorite gruff nurse!  She took one look at my arm, which has a huge bruise from where I had a blood draw last week and said "Oh boy, I hope they left some juicy blood for me!"   Gee, I hope so too, lady.  My right arm can no longer be used for bloodwork, IV's, or even blood pressure cuffs, due to my surgery and the lymph nodes that were removed on that side.  So, my left arm gets all the action.   I was told this will be the case for the next 5-10 years and possibly forever?  I wonder what people do who've had a double mastectomy and can't use either arm?  Oh well....gruff nurse did a great job on the blood draw so that's all I cared about at the moment.

Dr. M. came in to review each chemo medication, along with all of the pre-meds I'll be getting (such as fluids, anti-nausea, and steroids).  He then looked up each medication on the computer to show us risk factors, side effects, etc. as well as their history of use during pregnancy.  He even looked up a variety of OTC meds that I might need, to combat various side effects in the days to come. Most of my meds are Category A or B (safe to take during pregnancy), but some are Category C (not as safe for pregnancy).  However, in some cases the potential benefits outweigh the risk and so we just have to cross fingers that the meds will do their job and not harm the baby.

Not all chemo drugs are created equal.  For example, they don't all cause hair loss.  In my case, hair loss will be a definite.  It should start to happen within a few weeks after my first treatment.  I'll cross that bridge when I come to it, because I know it's going to be weird.  If you look at me right now, there's no way to tell that there's anything "wrong".  But once the hair is gone (not to mention the presence of a pregnant belly), I know it's going to draw a lot of attention my way, and I'm not looking forward to this!  If I were to donate to Locks of Love, would they let me take my hair back so I could just glue it back in place? Hmmm... 

For my first four treatments, here are the specifics on the two chemo drugs I'll be receiving:

Doxorubicin (Adriamycin):  This med is lovingly nicknamed "the red devil."  Common side effects include nausea/vomiting, hair loss, fatigue, mouth sores, red urine, loss of appetite (due to food tasting different), nail weakness, increased risk of infection due to low WBC, and heart problems.  There's a lifetime cap for anyone taking this med, due to it's potential to cause heart failure.  My doctor assured me that my doses are well below maximum levels, but I'll still be monitored carefully.

Cyclophosphamide (Cytoxan):  low WBC count, hair loss, nausea/vomiting, loss of appetite, mouth sores, stomach issues.  This med can also affect kidneys, so drinking a lot of water is super important.

Each treatment should take about 5-6 hours and I'll be going to an ambulatory care unit at the hospital.  Dr. M. explained that I'll probably feel my worst during the 3-10 days after treatment.  This is also when my immune system is weaker and I'll be more susceptible to infection.  So, he recommended that I stay home for 10 days after each treatment.  This caught me off guard a bit, since I expected I'd feel sick for a couple days afterward, and then be good to go for the next two weeks.  He also explained that the effects of chemo are cumulative, meaning that the side effects typically worsen as you progress through each treatment.  Being pregnant complicates things further, since pregnancy alone causes a weaker immune system.  But I'm learning to keep myself and my baby's health the top priority right now, so I'll do whatever it takes, even if it means some very sad looking paychecks.  I'm just lucky to have a pretty flexible job that allows me to work when I'm able, and allows for time off when needed.

When I had my mastectomy, Dr. A. also inserted a port, which is a small device implanted directly under the skin in which you can receive IV medication and also have blood drawn.  It's  located on my left side, kind of halfway between my collarbone and armpit and feels about the size of a quarter.  It's internally connected via a small catheter to a vein (maybe the jugular?  Honestly, the idea kind of freaks me out so I don't ask a lot of questions about this).  In any case, a port makes the process of frequent IV/bloodwork a lot easier because they don't have to mess with your arm.   They just do a quick stick into the port and then all of the various drugs are administered directly through tubes without having to touch you.  I was a little nervous about the "sticking" part of the process, and asked the doctor about some topical cream (called EMLA cream)  I'd read about that can numb the area.  He said I could try it but that most people don't feel the need for it.  I decided to tough it out and see how the first treatment goes before deciding if it's necessary.

Dr. M. is also going to send me in for IV fluids on the 3rd day following each chemo.  This is another precaution to make sure I don't get dehydrated.  It should take about 2 hours.

So, overall, this was a good appointment, and I left feeling prepared rather than defeated.  My mom got a good vibe from the doctor, and appreciated his thoroughness and ability to answer our questions with confidence.

The countdown is on, and I'm ready to hop on the chemo train and get things rolling!  Next on my agenda is a busy weekend, which I'll write about next so stay tuned :)

The Chemo Plan

This week Jeremy and I met with the oncologist to get details on the next step of my treatment: chemo.  The doctor suggested starting the first round about a month after surgery, which means that August 26th will be the first day.

He explained that initially, two medications will be used.  But, I didn't take notes and now can't remember their names (maybe this is a good thing since now I can't google myself into a frenzy).  I do know that one starts with "A," and the other starts with "C".  I'll go for treatment once every 3 weeks, for a total of four treatments.  Then, it'll be time to deliver Sweet Potato!

My due date is December 20th, but it looks like baby boy will be arriving about a month earlier, sometime in mid/late November.  This decision was made by the oncologist and perinatologist, who did some math and concluded that the optimal time for delivery will be when I'm about 35-36 weeks.  By this point, the baby will almost be considered full-term, and my blood count should be at levels that deem me healthy enough to deliver. 

After the baby is born, my chemo treatments will be kicked up a notch.  A third medication will be added (something that starts with "T").  This particular med has been used with other pregnant women, but my doctor felt more comfortable waiting until the baby is born to add it to the mix.  Instead of treatments every 3 weeks, they will occur once a week for 12 weeks.  So, I'll have a total of 16 treatments between now and February-ish.

Dr. M. made it clear that the baby will be exposed to these drugs, there's just no way around it.  The main concern for the baby will be monitoring his growth, low birth weight, etc.  I feel so guilty that he has to be exposed to all of this garbage before he's even born, but I know that it needs to be done and he'll be the strongest, bravest baby this side of the Mississip!

The oncologist also reviewed the pathology report with us.  We had already gone over this with the surgeon, so there wasn't any "new" news, but I'll admit I was hoping to gain some reassurance from this doctor.  Typically, the bigger the tumor and the more lymph nodes that are involved, the poorer the prognosis.  So, I expressed my concern about the size of my tumor, telling him that it seemed really big.  Off the charts big.  

I imagined he'd say something like, "Oh, I've seen them WAY bigger!  Yours was totally average."  But instead he just shook his head in agreement and said, "Yes, it was pretty large."  

And then I asked about the large amount of lymph nodes removed...didn't it seem like a LOT? 

"Yes, there were a lot." 

Alright then...

We asked for clarification about the tests I'd had to determine whether the cancer had spread.  Because of the baby, I was only allowed to have ultrasounds, mammograms, and an x-ray.  No MRI, PET scan, CAT scan, etc.  Without being able to have these tests, how confident could he be?  The purpose of the chest x-ray was to see if anything had spread to my lungs.  He explained that the x-ray is a "good" diagnostic tool, but admitted that it's not "great."  The liver ultrasound was a pretty good indicator, so he felt confident that it didn't spread there.  But he admitted that yes, because I'm pregnant and couldn't have more advanced imaging tests, that there's just no way to know for sure.  

So this is the realization that's left swimming around in my head.  Even though surgery removed the bulk of the cancer, there's no telling whether any of it managed to escape elsewhere.  The thought of cells dividing and multiplying non-stop 24/7 while I have to wait another 2 weeks to start chemo is my current fear.  

Once the baby is born, I'm sure I'll have every scan in the book, but it's a long wait until then when I want piece of mind now.  

Near the end of the appointment we decided to go for the gold and ask the doctor his opinion on my overall prognosis. Enthusiastic cheers of "we can do this!" and "you're in good hands!" would have been my preference.  Just humor me a little bit!   But the best he could do was say that my cancer is very aggressive, and we have some work to do.

I'm trying not to let the "poor me" attitude take over.  It's completely normal that a situation like this is going to lead to a rollercoaster of emotions not just for myself, but for everyone around me.  So many people have told me how strong I am and how much they believe that I can get through this.  I just need to work on believing in myself and our Sweet Potato.  I know I'll get there, but today just wasn't one of those days.

In Other News

This week I also had a routine appointment with my OB.  I heard baby's heartbeat (still a strong 150 bpm!) and all was well in that department.

On Thursday I had another follow-up with the surgeon.  Since Jeremy went back to work this week (BOOOOOOOO), I asked my mom to come along and was happy that she got to meet Dr. A.  She checked my incisions and said everything is continuing to heal really well.  Since my drains came out a week ago, I was convinced that I felt a lot of fluid building up under my arm, but she said it's not fluid, but rather just a combination of swelling/numbness and should start to taper off as my body readjusts to the situation.  I also had some genetic testing done, to determine my future risk of various cancers.  This will help decide if it'll ever be necessary to have any preventative surgery down the road. I'm currently waiting to see if my insurance will cover any portion of it, as it's apparently quite expensive.  

My mom and I left Dr. A's office feeling optimistic, because she commented that she felt we caught things early enough and hopefully this will just be a part of my medical history someday.  Can you see why I like her so much?

I started back to work a bit this week, and it feels good to get back into a routine.  I find myself getting tired really easily, though, so I'm taking it one day at a time.

Also this week, my sister finished round 2 of her chemo treatments and she's handling it like a champ (but no surprise there).  Four more to go!

Recovery & Pathology

Recovery is a B!

I stayed overnight at the hospital, and was lucky enough to have an awesome private room at the end of a hallway on a women's only floor.  So, it was nice and quiet and there was even a decent pull-out couch for Jeremy.  My doctor came to check on me at about 9:30pm the day of my surgery, which means she had been at the hospital for 16+ hours. She said she'd return bright and early around 5:30am the next morning to check on me again before she began another day of surgeries.  So, she basically went home for a few hours to sleep.  This is another instance that gave me a new level of respect for doctors.  

Before being discharged, we had a quick check on the baby's heartbeat, which was still nice and strong!  Then, a nurse came in to show Jeremy and I how to take care of my drains, which would be my two new BFF's for the next week, as they would literally be attached to me 24/7.  If you don't enjoy TMI, feel free to skip the next paragraph.

Drains kind of gross me out.  Obviously, their purpose is to collect excess fluid drainage (mostly blood and yellowy stuff and I don't know what else, water?)  You have to manually empty them into a container every so often, which is kind of like squeezing a plastic juice box. You measure and record how much fluid there is on a data sheet (as a behavior analyst, this is exciting stuff!).  Then you have to squeeze your fingers along the drainage tubes to make sure that no clots are stuck along the way.  But, don't pull too hard because you don't want to actually yank the drains out.  I was totally not ready/willing to do this on my own, so Jeremy stepped up to the plate to take on the task as my home health nurse. Super romantic stuff!  He did it without batting an eye. 

Can I take a minute to talk about how clutch Jeremy has been?  From the minute we were presented with this awful news, he's been exactly what I needed him to be.  Not too clingy, not too distant.  Juuuuusssssst right.  He's helped me do all of the everyday tasks that I didn't think I'd need help doing for at least another 50 years:  helping me shower/get dressed/change bandages/reach for my beloved chapstick when it fell on the floor because I couldn't lift my arm, going with me to every appointment, helping me remember which questions to ask the doctors, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, calling or texting all the friends and family who want updates but don't want to bother me, making sure my pillows are in the perfect formation, remembering to feed Charley, talking to Sweet Potato every day, not getting upset if I wake him up in the middle of the night because I just came across some scary statistics on the internet and am now wide awake with fear...the list goes on, but the bottom line is that we're in the middle of living out our wedding vows (..."in sickness and in health") and he is getting an A+.  I don't know what I'd do without his support.

I had home health nurses visit every day, to check the incisions, drains, take vitals, etc. On the first visit, the nurse removed my bandages, which involved about a mile of ace wraps.  I told her that I wasn't ready to look yet and she totally got it so I just stood there bewildered while she checked on everything.  She measured the length of my incision, which is over 8 inches long.  Yowza.  But everything was healing properly and she scheduled another visit for the following day.

My first emotional breakdown post-surgery occurred when our AC decided to stop working the day after we got home.  Ain't nobody got time for heat stroke, or for that matter, a crazy expensive home repair!  So the repair guy came out and fixed it, but shortly thereafter we noticed that the thermostat was creeping up instead of down.  We call the repairman back, but by that time the call was forwarded to an answering service and we'd have to wait until after 11pm.  And the house was 82 degrees.  So, cue the crying spell! Luckily, my parents live 5 minutes away and came to my rescue while Jeremy stayed behind, determined to finish painting the nursery while dripping sweat and waiting for sweet relief to arrive.  Did I mention that he's been the one "nesting" instead of me?  In the end, the AC was fixed and I was able to sleep in my bed that night :)

Jeremy's dad and his wife came to visit over the weekend.  It was great to visit with them, and the guys took some time to put the crib together and fix a few random things around the house.  After 5 days stuck at home, I went on my first "outing" to lunch in Tarpon Springs.  I was feeling ok at first, and we decided to walk around some nearby antique shops.  This is when I started to feel sore and tired, so we decided not to push it and headed home.  

Follow-up with the Surgeon and Pathology Report:

Nine days post-op was my follow-up visit with the surgeon.  Dr. A. was happy with how everything was healing, and decided it was time to take out the drains, which means I'd be able to drive again.  The nurse came in and I was expecting this to be quite unpleasant, but I actually didn't feel a thing.  In fact, most of my underarm (and the back of my upper arm) is now permanently numb; other areas feel permanently bruised.  This definitely takes some getting used but I can live with it.

Now that another pathology report was completed (based on everything the doctor removed in surgery), she was able to confirm the type of cancer I have: Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, which is the most common type of breast cancer.  She also noted that the tumor was 11 centimeters long and 43 lymph nodes were removed, 21 of which were positive for cancer cells.  These stats really took me by surprise.  I've read a lot of "survivor stories" on the internet, and also schooled myself on how stages of cancer are determined, and those numbers seemed significantly higher than anything else I had come across.  Like, significantly. Most people have maybe 3-4 lymph nodes removed, with one testing positive for cancer, or maybe none positive at all. And it seems like most tumors are no more than 5cm.  I know I can't believe everything I read on the internet, and every case is different, but my numbers seem like they break a record that I have no interest in breaking.  But, the one piece of positivity that came out of this report is that the margins were clear.  This means that the perimeter around the entire area that was removed did not show any signs of cancer cells, meaning it's less likely that cells crossed over the area into other parts of my body.  

I also tested ER+, which means that my cancer cells responded to the estrogen and progesterone in my body, causing them to grow more quickly (and holy sh-- they grew quickly). The good news is that there are some hormone therapy wonder drugs out there that can address this.  It involves taking a daily pill for the next 5-10 years, and is supposed to significantly decrease the recurrence rate.  I tested negative for the HER-2 protein.  This is a good thing, because if I were positive, I'd have to take a certain chemo drug that wouldn't be safe for the baby.  My sister is HER-2 positive, and has already started her chemo (2 treatments down, 4 to go!)

So, this definitely puts me in the "Stage 3" category ("Stage 4" indicates that cancer has spread beyond the lymph nodes to other parts of the body, and thankfully, this has not been the case for me so far).  FINGERS CROSSED.  This is another reason why I try not to over-do the Google searching.  When you look up 5-year survival rates for the different stages of breast cancer, it's a true reality check.  Here's the general breakdown, according to the American Cancer Society:

Stage 0:  100% 

Stage 1:  100%

Stage 2:  93%

Stage 3:  72%

Stage 4:  22%

I admit that I've struggled between trying to find a balance between being well-informed about my situation, but also not overloading myself with facts and figures that only cause me to worry.  I think of my Sweet Potato and am reminded that stress and anxiety doesn't do him any good.  There's something to be said about the power of positive thinking!