The Countdown to Baby Begins!

lil' pumpkin for the Pumpkin :)

I've spent the past few weeks working a little bit, while balancing an increasing number of doctor appointments.  We're approaching my last AC chemo treatment and are beginning to pinpoint the safest timeframe to schedule Sweet Potato's induction at around 35-36 weeks gestation.  

Some people have wondered why I have to be induced.  Basically, my treatment team would like me to move to the next step of treatment as soon as possible, which involves 12 weekly rounds of Taxol, a chemo drug that is unsafe for baby.  Chemo is more effective when it's administered consistently and in a cumulative manner.  If we waited until I was full-term, too much time would lapse between treatments, which is no bueno.  Not to mention, my cancer is stage 3 and pretty f***ing aggressive, so we need to keep this train moving so I can get on with living!

Therefore, I'll be induced on November 18th, allow some time for recovery, and then immediately start the Taxol.  Babies born at this gestational age tend to do fairly well, and though there's a possibility that he might spend a day or two in the NICU, it's just as likely that he won't need to go there at all.  The plan is to have a normal delivery, though obviously a c-section will be the back-up plan if there are any complications.  

Here are some highlights from the past couple weeks:

10/20/14:  Today Jeremy had the day off, so I tagged along with him to his appointment with our primary care physician.  He wanted to get a flu and T-dap shot, which are recommended for anyone planning to be around infants in the near future.  It was weird to not be the patient for once!  Due to chemo, I'm not able to get these vaccines until I get clearance from my oncologist.  Last time Jeremy was here, he passed out like a sack of potatoes after they did bloodwork, so today the doctor and his office staff didn't hesitate to jokingly remind him about it.  He's kind of a legend there now.  Our doctor also provided a good recommendation for a local pediatrician, where he personally takes his own children.  Lately we've been so concerned just managing our day to day lives that we haven't given as much thought to all of the things that need to be done once the baby is actually here.  We gotta get into parenting mode, quick...

About an hour later, we headed to another appointment, this time my OB.  They set me up for something called a non-stress test.  This is a simple procedure that's used to monitor the baby's movements and heart-rate.  It's called a "non-stress" test because it doesn't bother the baby at all.  But I have to say that it was a little stressful for me!  First, they place a monitor on your belly to listen to baby's heartbeat, and another monitor to check if you're having contractions.  Then, they give you a hand-held clicker (like the buzzers on Jeopardy) and instruct you to press the button every single time you feel the baby move. Ideally, baby's heart-rate should accelerate with each movement, which would indicate that they're getting enough oxygen.   The nurse leaves the room for twenty minutes or so and the pressure is on! With every little movement, I had to decide...was that the baby moving, or just my stomach growling?  At times, Jeremy would try to talk to me and was quickly shushed.  If this was a test, me and the baby were going to get an A+, dammit! After 20 minutes, the doctor came in and reviewed the data. She was able to see a few accelerations of the heart-rate that correlated with when I pressed the button, and was satisfied with the results. I'll be getting this test done twice per week from now on, to ensure that things continue to go smoothly.

10/21/14:  I had a call from the OB's office, saying that they'd like me to start checking my blood pressure daily.  They also sent in a script for a 24-hour urine test, which detects if there are elevated proteins that indicate blood pressure problems. Apparently, my blood pressure was slightly elevated when she checked it yesterday, so she decided to take a few extra precautions to make sure I'm not developing preeclampsia (simply put-high blood pressure during pregnancy).  Not sure why all of this was brought up after the fact and not during my office visit?  Guess my bodily fluids are in high demand these days. 

The next issue was trying to figure out when I could feasibly take this test.  You basically have to fill a jug with your urine every single time you go, for 24 consecutive hours.  It has to stay refrigerated.  It has to be dropped off at the lab as soon as the 24 hours are up.  You then have to stay at the lab for complete bloodwork.  Looking at my parade of appointments over the next week, not to mention the weekend, when the lab is closed, there weren't any days where I could take this test.  And with another chemo coming up soon, I wondered if those medications would alter the results of the test.  So many variables to consider, it makes my head spin.

10/22/14:  Today was another ultrasound with the maternal-fetal-medicine specialist. Jeremy and my dad came along this time, who had never seen an ultrasound before.  He spent most of the day in anxious anticipation (love you, dad!).  The ultrasound was great and we got good news all around from the doctor.  Currently, baby's weight is estimated to be about 4lbs, which is right in the average range.  We also discussed my glucose screening results from a few weeks ago. Instead of sending me for a 3-hour test, she suggested that I simply start checking my sugars at home 4 times per day.  Though this might seem more inconvenient than a one-time test, I feel more comfortable tracking things this way, so she wrote a script for a home testing kit.  She's curious to see how the chemo drugs and steroid medications will affect my sugar; she hypothesized that my sugars will increase, so she's kind of using me as a guinea pig to see if this will be the case.

10/25/14:  All of this testing business was put aside for the weekend, as it was time for our baby shower!  My mom, mother-in-law, sister, and brother all worked together to create a really special day for Jeremy and I.  Words can't express how bittersweet it was that so many people took time from their busy lives (and drove from near and far...and some from very, very far) to show their support and love for us. It was a rollercoaster of emotions as we celebrated one of the happiest times in our life, in conjunction with the biggest challenge we've ever faced.  Our baby boy has absolutely everything he needs, and already knows how much he is loved.  To those of you who were able to share this special day with us...thank you.  And thanks to the many of you who were there in spirit <3

10/28/14:  I got the all-clear to go ahead with my 4th chemo treatment, yay!  This will be the last one for Sweet Potato to endure.  I'm so proud of him for staying strong and going through this with me.  I truly believe that somehow we've managed to protect each other from all of the crazy things that chemo can do to you.  Side effects haven't been nearly as rough as I expected them to be and though a part of me keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop, overall I feel very lucky.

Hooray for baby's last chemo!

My view for the day.

My most favoritest nurse accessed my port with ease (seriously, she is the best).  I casually asked if she'd be working on Friday (Halloween...good times), when I come back for IV fluids, as that's when I tend to run into issues with the port.  She said she'd be there, and we had a silent wink-wink understanding that she'd be the one to access my port again, which was a big relief.  The next 6 hours passed with minimal drama and I headed home feeling super sleepy.  Thanks mom for coming along with me :)

My blood pressure has been perfect since I started tracking it about a week ago, usually averaging around 115/76.  And so far, my sugars have been on track as well (once I figured out how to correctly use the testing kit).  Ain't nobody got time for gestational diabetes! However, now that I've just completed a chemo treatment, the levels are expected to fluctuate for a couple days.

When I got home from chemo, I was greeted with a very special note...

So there you have it.  "Sweet Potato" officially has a name.  Benjamin David, we are counting down the days to finally meet you.

Keep Calm (and try not to pass out)

Over the weekend before my 3rd chemo, Jeremy and I signed up for a group tour of the Labor & Delivery unit at the hospital where we'll finally meet our Sweet Potato!  We made it a "date day" by going to lunch and a movie before the tour, which was on Sunday afternoon.  The official guide called in sick that day, so we had a haphazard tour by a nurse who essentially read notes from a piece of paper at lightning speed.  In any case, it was nice to get a sneak peak at the rooms and familiarize ourselves with the whole process.  I've heard great things about the unit (which is at the same hospital where I go for chemo), so despite the underwhelming tour, I'm still excited and optimistic that we'll have a great experience there.

That evening, I started to feel a little sick, and woke up in the middle of the night with what I'll vaguely describe as "gastrointestinal issues."  I was also nauseous and just generally not feeling like myself.  I had an appointment with my oncologist that Monday morning (10/6), so I let him know about my symptoms.  But, he didn't seem too concerned, as I didn't have a fever.  He suggested that perhaps I was getting a little nervous, since it was the day before my next chemo.  I had labwork done and went home to rest for a few hours before my second appointment of the day at the OB.

That afternoon, I had my monthly prenatal exam.  I'm 30 weeks now and the belly is really starting to show itself!  My mom came along and got to hold the doppler to find baby's heartbeat, which is always music to my ears.  I learned the results of the glucose screening test that I took the week before.  Most tests have a cut-off of 140, meaning that in order to pass, your results have to be less than 140.  But for whatever reason, the test I took has a cut-off of 135.  My score?  137.  So, that meant I "failed" by TWO POINTS!  Not what I wanted to hear, as this basically means more bloodwork, and more trying to figure out when I'm feeling "well" enough to go and take the test.  I'm irritated that by most standards, I was within the normal range!  The 3-hour test involves fasting and then getting blood drawn every hour, for 3 hours.  Most people will switch arms for each draw, to give their veins a break.  But, I'm only able to have blood drawn from one side, so this is another concern that makes me incredibly not-excited to take the test. Scar tissue is already starting to develop around the veins in my "good" arm, due to all of the labwork. Ew.

Needless to say, I left the OB appointment feeling a little annoyed.  I also still felt sick and just wanted to go home and try to sleep it off.  I laid down around 4pm, and was down for the count.  I continued with the stomach issues, nausea, and now had a headache and fever that was creeping up.  Jeremy monitored it every hour, as I'm supposed to contact the oncologist if it reaches 100.4 (this would be a sign of a developing infection, which would be bad news the day before chemo).  Luckily, it only reached 100.1 and then began to taper off.  I continued my marathon sleep session and hoped that I'd feel better in the morning, because if not, the chemo treatment would probably have to be delayed.

Charley, my napping buddy <3

I felt substantially better on Tuesday morning, and was able to go ahead with treatment as planned.   My vitals were good, though the nurse noted that my pulse was high, around 123.  This time my dad got initiated into the "chemo club" and I must say that I'm very proud of him!  Not many dads have to deal with two daughters simultaneously going through cancer treatment, and I'm lucky my parents live nearby and are ready and willing to help out any way they can. We settled in for our 6-hour session and earned a Starbucks on the way home.

For the next two days I felt pretty good, all things considered (this is likely due to the steroid pill that I take on the two mornings following each chemo).  On those days, I am pretty much a hermit and don't leave the house.  On Friday (10/10), my dad took me back to the hospital for IV fluids.  The nurse had a hard time accessing my port again, which has happened one other time when I came in for fluids.  She could insert the needle just fine, but couldn't get a blood return.  Two more nurses were called over to troubleshoot, as well as a student nurse who was there to observe.  Because the port is located between my armpit/neck, the nurses have to lean in really close to get the job done. So, a tiny room with four nurses in my face, plus my poor dad who was just trying to stay out of their way...I quickly started to feel lightheaded and sweaty.  I asked for some water and then said I felt like I might vomit.  I commend the student nurse who did a stellar job fetching me a barf bag.  Everyone started moving slowly and their voices became very faint and that's when I realized that I was about to pass out!  Thankfully the nurses also realized what was happening and were able to intervene to keep things from getting to that point.  They theorized that maybe the reason they're having trouble with the port is because I was dehydrated.  Despite drinking a ton of water, I should probably drink even more, because afterall, I'm sharing it with the baby :)  So, I ended up with a regular IV, and was given some breathing room.  Kudos to my dad for keeping calm, cool, and collected!  I'm glad I could provide some entertainment for everyone.

After a few hours on the IV drip, it was time to go home.  But, I heard some chatter near the nurse's station about how they couldn't let me go home until they messed with the port again.  Apparently, they needed to flush it out with Heparin, a drug used to prevent blood clots.  They couldn't send me home without doing this.  I also heard mention of trying it with the "long needle."  My dad and I looked at each other wide-eyed and I yelled to the nurse that a short needle would work just fine!  Luckily, my favorite nurse took the lead this time; she has a way of calmly explaining what she's doing and I feel much more comfortable when she does it.  And finally, SUCCESS!  I should add a disclaimer that having a port is actually a good thing.  Most of the time, it works like a charm and is essentially pain-free.  I don't want to unintentionally scare anyone who might be getting a port...they really are great :)

My brother-in-law had a little setback right around this time.  It's been over two months since his open heart surgery, and he'd just been given the all-clear to return to work when he experienced some weird feelings in his chest.  He went to the ER and ended up being admitted overnight.  After a bunch of tests they were able to pinpoint that nothing major was wrong, but rather an issue that could be addressed with a medication adjustment. We were worried about him but are happy that everything is ok and he's back home!  My sister has her 5th chemo tomorrow...so please take a moment and send some good thoughts her way. She's on the home stretch now!

Chemo Brain + Pregnancy Brain = Where did I put the milk cap?

First off, October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, so....yay for that!  However, I consider July to be the month that I became "aware" of breast cancer, so even though I'm glad this month will bring attention to the cause, I'm not a huge fan of companies jumping on the pink bandwagon to try and drum up business under the guise of charity.  In meeting other women with breast cancer, I've realized that this month is actually a very emotional time for many of them, having to see reminders EVERYWHERE; you can't even buy a can of soup without seeing pink ribbons plastered all over the packaging!  It makes you wonder how much of the proceeds actually end up in the right place.  And tongue-in-cheek phrases like "Save the tatas" take on a different meaning when you weren't able to save your own.  While that sort of thing doesn't personally bother me that much, I definitely have a new perspective for women who might take issue with it.  So I guess my advice is:  see your doctor right away if you ever suspect anything is wrong, do your research before blindly supporting or otherwise donating to companies who claim to support breast cancer research/awareness, and maybe take the pink-ness overload down a notch :)

My second round of chemo was on September 16th.  I met a 24-year-old going through treatment... shoot, I thought I was young!  She was just starting her first round of Taxol, which is the next medication I'll start immediately after I have the baby.  Turns out we have the same team of doctors, and we both have a thing for Disney (she got married on a Disney cruise and I got married at Disney World).  We compared our wedding pics and our side effects and our opinions of our doctors and then went on our merry way like this was a totally normal interaction.

This time around I definitely experienced a lot of fatigue, starting two days after treatment.  I went into a sleepy fog, and slept off and on for several days.  The weather was also rainy/cloudy during this time so that definitely contributed to my reluctance to get out of bed!  I returned to the hospital for IV fluids on 9/19 which went off without a hitch.  After that, my mom and I (tiredly) drove to an appointment to get fitted for a prosthesis. This basically consisted of some new bras and a silicone "chicken cutlet" that makes me look considerably less lopsided in comparison to the sad little temporary insert that I got right after surgery. Luckily, my insurance covered the fitting because I'm sure if I had to pay out-of-pocket the going rate would be something like one milllllllllion dollars (cue Dr. Evil voice).

I'm getting used to my hair (or lack thereof).  Though I haven't ventured out in public yet without wearing a hat, I must say that it feels nice to not have to go through the daily annoyance of washing/drying/straightening/brushing my hair.  The hair loss has slowed down in the past week or so.  I can't tell if it's trying to grow back already, or if it's just at a standstill?  In the meantime, Jeremy thinks my head feels like a fuzzy baby bird.  He tells me how pretty I am and I'm 99.9% certain that he genuinely means it and isn't just feeding me lines. :)

Best quilt ever.

On Monday 9/22, I had a followup and bloodwork with the oncologist at 9am.  I was feeling motivated that morning and actually saw a client beforehand, so that I could just go home and take the rest of the day off.  The doctor was happy and surprised to hear that I haven't experienced many side effects.  He doesn't really have an explanation for it (when in doubt, blame it on hormones I guess), but said it's possible that somehow the pregnancy is helping to lessen the blow, so to speak.  As long as Sweet Potato is still growing and thriving, that's fine by me!

For the next two weeks, I returned to work.  This was my first venture visiting clients since I lost my hair.  As a behavior analyst, I work with people of all ages who have autism and other developmental disabilities.  I'll admit I was a little anxious to visit some of them, as they aren't used to seeing me look "different". I worried that a few might try to pull off my hat or even become aggressive because they have difficulty adapting to change and/or communicating their frustration.  But, it turned out that I had nothing to worry about and I was able to carry on, business as usual, without a single issue.  Here's a snippet of a conversation I recently had on one of my visits:

Client:  So how's that cancer goin'?
Me:  It's good, I'm taking special medicine to help me get better.
Client:  What kind of medicine? Is it free? Dont worry, I won't tell nobody.
Me:  It's medicine I get from my doctor.  No, its not free...
Client:  Well at least ya living and ya ain't dyin'!
(Touche).

On 9/25, I had a one-month follow up with my surgeon, Dr. A.  She checked my incision, which continues to heal just fine.  I also learned the results of my genetic testing:  negative.  In a nutshell, this means that I don't have any specific genetic markers that put me at higher-risk in the future for several types of cancer.  While this is generally good news, it doesn't really explain "why" I'm having to deal with my current diagnosis.  The doctor recommended talking to a genetic counselor to gain more understanding of the results, which will help me to decide what, if any, preventative measures I might take in the future.  But for now, those types of decisions are completely on the back burner.

I'm 7 months (29 weeks) pregnant now, and on 10/3 we had an appointment with the Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist to check on baby boy and see how he's progressing. Jeremy took a half-day from work, and my mother-in-law also came along for a sneak peek at her first grandchild!  We are SO happy to report that's he weighs over 3 lbs. now! That means he gained almost a full pound over the past three weeks.  Everything is looking perfect and he was kind enough to show us his face this time.  We can't wait to meet him in person :)

Other random news

I recently learned of a little something called "chemo brain."  Basically, it's a term used to describe feelings of forgetfulness, "spacing out," trouble concentrating, etc. that people experience during and after treatment.  As luck would have it, there's also something called "pregnancy brain" which involves the same type of symptoms.   Needless to say, I admit I feel like I've been losing a few brain cells recently!  

One day I poured a bowl of cereal, and immediately misplaced the milk cap.  Within seconds, I had absolutely no recollection of where I put it.  I checked the countertop, floor, trashcan, the silverware drawer, the fridge, my purse?  I improvised and covered the milk container with some plastic wrap.  That was over a week ago and still no clue where the cap went!  I find myself having to proofread emails and work documents more carefully, as my grammar seems to be getting a little sloppy.  I feel easily overwhelmed when trying to focus on tasks, like helping my husband with his graduate school course (he's training to become a behavior analyst, like myself).  I've also occasionally mispronounced words or said words out of order, and didn't notice unless someone pointed it out to me.  I'm sure these issues are short term but in the meantime at least I have some valid excuses!

My sister completed her 4th round of chemo on 9/23.  Treatments have hit her harder than me, because her meds are different.  The day after each chemo, she gets a Neulasta shot intended to boost her white blood cells.  The result is feeling like she has the flu, coupled with severe joint/bone pain, fatigue, mouth sores, and food tasting weird.  She's handling it like a champ, though, and has just TWO more treatments to go before she moves to the next phase!  Her husband (AKA my favorite brother-in-law!) is continuing to recover from open heart surgery and will be returning to work next week.  Let's hope the Steelers redeem themselves on Sunday, because surely it wasn't good for his heart to watch them lose last week (to the BUCS, of all teams!)

Third round of chemo is October 7th and I say BRING IT ON!

As always, thanks to everyone for keeping all of us in your thoughts and prayers.  xoxo

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

It's been three weeks since my first chemo treatment, and I must say that things have gone pretty smoothly!  I didn't experience many side effects, and got back to my normal routine about 6 days later, despite the oncologist advising that I stay home for 10 days. My current plan of action is to simply work when I'm feeling good, and stay home when I'm not.  And of course, try to avoid anyone who might be sick.  I feel very fortunate to have a job that allows me to do this fairly easily.  If I worked a typical 9-5, I imagine it'd be a lot more difficult!  But, no work=no money, so I'm trying to keep things balanced.

Three days after chemo, I returned to the hospital for IV fluids.  My mom came along to keep me company.  The same nurse who administered my chemo came to work with me again, but she had trouble accessing my port.  She was able to insert the needle just fine, but couldn't get a blood return, which I presume is necessary to ensure that it's working right. After calling over a few other nurses to mess with it for a while, they still couldn't get it and decided to just administer fluids with a regular IV.  A minor setback, but I'm really hoping they don't have trouble with it when I go back for my next treatment.  Ain't nobody got time to be a human pin cushion!  I got fluids for about 2 hours and then headed home.  

I had an upcoming appointment for a dental cleaning and x-rays, but my dentist first wanted me to confirm with my oncologist that a cleaning would be ok.  So I called the oncologist's office and they advised that I cancel the cleaning, to avoid risk of bleeding/infection.  I take pretty good care of my teeth, so hopefully it won't be a big deal that I'll have to postpone this for a while.

Over Labor Day weekend we celebrated Jeremy's birthday!  It was literally a game-day decision, because I had no idea how I'd be feeling, but I felt decent and wanted to get out of the house.  So, I got us tickets to the Red Sox-Rays game and we thoroughly enjoyed watching the Red Sox lose (and my dad thoroughly enjoyed giving Jeremy a hard time about it in his Rays shirt and Joe Maddon glasses).

Some leave happy, some leave sad!

Over the next two weeks I worked a pretty regular schedule, albeit at half-speed.  On 9/9, I checked in with my regular OB.  Sweet Potato's heartbeat was nice and strong and I measured right on target at 25 weeks.  On 9/12, I had an appointment with the MFM specialist.  Jeremy left work a little bit early so he and my mom could come along.  I had an ultrasound and we enjoyed watching the baby move around, though he preferred to turn his back to us so we couldn't get any decent pictures!  We caught a glimpse of him opening his eyes and mouth but mostly he just showcased the top of his head and his back.  But, everything looks great and he now weighs about 2.4 lbs...he's gained over a pound in the past 3 weeks and is even measuring a little ahead of schedule.  No growth restrictions here! 

One of the moments I'd been dreading began to happen exactly two weeks after chemo. The oncologist said that hair loss would begin around 10-14 days after treatment.  And on the 14th day, his prediction proved correct.  It started out as just a few extra strands when I brushed my hair, but got progressively worse each day.  By the end of the week, it was coming out by the handful.  I knew it was time to say goodbye.

Until we meet again, hair.

I made plans to go to a salon for a buzzcut on 9/13.  The night before, I took some time to cry and be upset about it.  Not gonna lie, it was more like a hyperventilating freak-out sobfest.  I'm learning that cancer isn't just a physical challenge, but also emotional and mental.  I'd read that out of all the side effects that chemo brings, people fear losing their hair the most.  And now, I was starting to understand why.  It's like losing your security blanket...losing your hair means that you will now wear a giant neon sign pointing out the fact that you're sick.  Add that to the attention that any typical pregnancy brings, and it just feels completely overwhelming!   Some people like to have fun with the process, by getting a crazy haircut or ridiculous wig, but I just wanted to get it over with and go home until the shock wears off.  I know it's not permanent.  I know it will grow back.  I know it's a sign that the chemo drugs are doing their job. But it still sucks!

So the next day I headed to the salon, mentally prepared to get the show on the road.  But, after quickly assessing my hair, the stylist felt that I didn't "need" to shave my head just yet.  She suggested that I get a really short cut and wait and see, because some people don't actually lose all of their hair.  I agreed to this, but deep down I knew it's just delaying the inevitable.  We then headed to a nearby wig shop, which I will simply describe as "unbeweaveable".  Let's just say that I could have very easily had hair like Beyonce, but I leaned toward something a little more natural looking...not sure when the wig will make it's debut, but it's nice to know it's an option I have.

Since then, my hair has continued to fall out when I touch it or look at it the wrong way, resulting in mini panic attacks and sadness each time.  I'm heading back to the salon after my chemo treatment tomorrow, to finally buzz it off.  It won't be soon enough.

This morning I had an appointment with my oncologist, to get labwork done and ensure that my counts are good for the 2nd chemo treatment.  I also asked the doctor a few random questions:

Should I get a flu shot? No, because even though it's recommended for pregnant women, vaccines aren't recommended during chemo due to lowered immunity.  

When should I get my glucose test (a standard test during pregnancy)?  On a day that you are feeling well, such as 1 week before your next chemo.

Will I get an MRI right after the baby is born, to see if the cancer has spread?  You can if you're really anxious about it, but otherwise I'd just wait until you're done with all of your chemo.  The chemo drugs you're taking now are already targeting cancer cells throughout your body and MRI results wouldn't necessarily change the treatment plan that's already in place.

So those are the highlights from the past few weeks.  I'm pumped and ready for chemo #2 tomorrow and crossing my fingers that things keep moving in a positive direction.  Thanks to everyone for the continued support and prayers, it means more than you know!

First Chemo (Like a BOSS)

I'm now two days past my first chemo treatment.  Here's a recap of how it went:

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Today is chemo day!  In the moments before the alarm went off at 6am, I laid in bed and could feel Sweet Potato moving around pretty actively.  I nudged Jeremy and placed his hand in the right spot, just in time for him to feel kicks for the very first time!  It was a literal reminder that our baby boy is alive and kicking in there, and ready to put up a fight! Exactly what we needed to start the day.

We arrived at the hospital at 8am, got checked in, and a nurse took us to the chemo area. It was actually a pretty nice set-up.  There are a series of little rooms with walls on 3 sides; each nook is equipped with two recliner chairs, a TV, and all the necessary medical equipment.  Jeremy and I were given our own room, though sometimes if there are a lot of patients, both recliners might be used for treatments.  

The nurse gave me a warm blanket (heavenly), checked my vitals, and then got ready to access my port.  She suited up and gave me a protective mask to wear.  Safety first!  She instructed me to take a deep breath and I focused on the clock on the wall, not interested in watching any part of this process.  I definitely felt slight pressure and stinging, but overall it wasn't that bad.  She explained that it should get easier each time.  Jeremy was proud of himself for glancing in my general direction during the process; he figured it was the least he could do and I'm happy to report he didn't pass out!

Ready for the Red Devil

Stealing French Fries

The nurse then set me up with some IV fluids, and left us alone for about an hour. Jeremy nerded out by bringing his ABA textbook to catch up on some reading for his graduate class.  I played on my phone and drank a Capri Sun like an 8-year-old.  

Next up were two anti-nausea meds, which took about another hour to administer.  I think there were also some IV steroids thrown in the mix as well.  

Then it was time for the real stuff...Adriamycin, AKA " the red devil."  I'd heard some stories about this drug, and was admittedly apprehensive about it.  I mean, it obviously doesn't get that nickname for being pleasant! It arrived in a bag covered with warning signs and yellow caution tape.  It's bright red in color, appearing like an IV bag of Hawaiian Punch.  This will be my baby's first cocktail :(

The nurse explained that this drug has a tendency to seep into surrounding tissue when it's being administered.  Therefore, she had to actually sit with me and monitor the IV line every minute to ensure that it wasn't leaking anywhere.  I think this process took about 30 minutes or so.  I was then told that the next several times I use the bathroom, my pee will probably be bright red.  Good to know!  (And yes, if you're curious, this was confirmed shortly thereafter).

After that was another round of fluids, and then the second chemo drug, Cytoxan.  The biggest warning with this drug is that it can affect your kidneys, so staying hydrated is important.  The nurse didn't have to sit and monitor this one, so we ordered some lunch and pretty much relaxed.

I finished with another hefty dose of fluids, and then it was time for me to be dismissed! I got "unplugged," (which didn't hurt at all).  The nurses called in a prescription for Zofran, to address any nausea that might creep up once I'm at home.  We also reviewed all side effects of the meds, and I was told that I'd probably start feeling my worst in about two days.  If I developed a fever of 100 degrees or more, they wanted me to contact my oncologist, as this would be a sign of a developing infection.  

So, 6 and 1/2 hours later, we headed home, and I felt decent.  Tired, but decent.  One treatment down, and three more to go before we get to meet our sweet baby boy!

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Because I'm a rule follower and was told to drink lots of water, last night I woke up every hour like clockwork to use the bathroom.  Luckily, I'm stealthy like a ninja so I don't think I disturbed Jeremy too much, as he had to get up at 5:45am and head to work.  

I was given an oral steroid to take once a day, for the two days following chemo.  I believe the purpose of this is to help boost my WBC count, which is important to fight off infection.  The result was that today I felt energized and not sick at all.  I cleaned the toilets, vacuumed the entire house, emptied the dishwasher, went on a blog-writing binge, made a few phone calls and emails, completed some end-of-the-month reports for work, and made dinner.  Yay for productivity!

All in all, the effects from the first treatment haven't been that bad.  But, in talking to others who have already been down this road, it does get more difficult with each subsequent treatment. So for now, I'm just thankful for each day that I feel "normal" and am slowly saving my energy for the days I know I'll be needing it.

Weekend Frenzy

Now that my first chemo was scheduled, I started thinking about the changes that will come with it:  hair loss, feeling like crap, and so on.  Then, I started thinking about the changes that pregnancy will bring:  a growing belly, feeling like crap, and so on.  So then, I started thinking about maternity pictures...you know, the cutesy pictures that you take when you have a beautiful pregnancy glow and perfect little bump?

Well, I had a hard time envisioning that scenario, since my body is beginning to feel so foreign to me.  Taking pictures was the last thing on my mind, considering all of the current BS and a self-esteem that has taken a beating.  But deep down, I knew that Jeremy and I would regret not having any pictures of this time in our lives, even though this chapter is turning out way different than we planned.

So, I decided to contact Root Photography, a husband and wife photography team based in Orlando that I've admired for years.  Seriously, years!  Looking at the calendar, there wasn't much time left to take pictures before my hair starts to fall out, so I knew it was a longshot that they'd have availability on such short notice.  Since Jeremy is back at work, the only time we could go is on a weekend, which is usually when photographers are busy with weddings and other big events.  But, I sent the Roots an email anyway, figuring it was worth a shot.

Lo and behold, someone else had the same idea.  The Roots responded right away, and told me that by some stroke of luck, another person (who wishes to remain anonymous), had just contacted them and told them about our situation.  So, someone out there had the same idea, at the same time, and contacted the same photographers.  We hadn't told ANYONE about this.  What??!! The Roots then informed us that a maternity session was already paid for...all we had to do was pick a date.  Again....what??!!

Long story short, I emailed the Roots back on Friday, 8/22, and we decided that the next day would work best for everyone.  Thus began a 24-hour frenzy of finding something to wear, getting a haircut, and deciding whether or not to stay overnight or drive back home after the session.  

Jeremy's birthday is coming up on September 2nd, so as his early gift, my parents arranged for us to stay overnight at the Swan and Dolphin hotel at Disney.  We turned this into a bit of a weekend birthday celebration, and it was nice to feel relatively normal for a change. We even got a random free upgrade to a balcony room that overlooks Hollywood Studios and had a great view of the fireworks that night. (Thanks again, mom and dad...xoxo)

Saturday morning, I made a last-minute appointment for a haircut, at my usual place in town. We met my parents and mother-in-law for coffee, dropped Charley off for an overnight "staycation," and headed to Orlando.  After checking in at our hotel, I had the bright idea to find a salon about 10 minutes away that offers make-up services.  I don't wear much makeup normally, so I thought it'd be nice to have it done professionally and do a little something to make me feel good about myself.  

I told the woman that I wanted a very natural, clean look.  Here's when I learned that sometimes I trust people way more than I should.  An hour later, I left this place looking like a cross between Snooki, an oompa loompa, and a creepy adult contestant on Toddlers and Tiaras.  NO JOKE.  I was tinted orange from the chest up.  And it was pouring rain outside.  I called Jeremy, who was relaxing at the hotel, and told him to prepare himself for the frazzled, hangry (hungry+angry=hangry) whirlwind that was about the enter the room.  I had about 20 minutes to scrub my face down, reapply makeup in an attempt to look halfway NORMAL, fix my rain-soaked hair, and head to our photo shoot.  I spent the car ride continuing to wipe remnants of orange paste from my neck and ears while Jeremy fed me handfuls of cashews.

We met up with the Roots in downtown Celebration.  They were so friendly and welcoming that from there on out, I began to relax and tried to enjoy the moment.  It was a super hot and humid afternoon; I only lasted about 10 minutes before I had to put my hair up due to the sweltering post-thunderstorm heat.  We'll laugh about this later!  I felt a little strange that I didn't yet have a full baby bump to show off, so we joked that I was posing with a food baby.  We spent an hour taking shots all around town, and then it was time to say goodbye to our new friends. THANK YOU NATHAN AND JENSEY!!  And, sincere thanks to the anonymous person who helped make this happen for us.  Yet again, I've been left speechless.

Jeremy and I headed back to the hotel and got a bite to eat.  We walked around the Boardwalk area and found a bench swing on the beach, looking across the water to the place where we had our wedding reception almost 7 years ago.  So of course, the tears started rolling, followed by Jeremy giving me a pep talk that someday we'll come back here and show our baby boy one of our favorite places.  He's the best <3

Sunday morning we stopped by to visit some good friends for lunch, who we don't get to see very often.  They have the cutest little boy, and as honorary Aunt and Uncle, we make it a point whenever we see him to bring him the most obnoxious gift we can find. Last time it was one of those Fisher Price push-toys that makes an ungodly popping noise when you push it.  Today he got a Disney cookie covered in blue frosting that may or may not have permanently stained his teeth and fingers.  You're welcome, B! ;)

Giving Thanks

Before I move on to other topics, I need to take a moment to give some MAJOR thanks.

If there's anything this experience has taught me so far, it's that there are a lot of good people in the world. From the moment my family first found ourselves on this new path, people have been closing in on all sides to make sure that we had all the support that we needed (even if we didn't yet know just how much we'd need it).

I'm talking...
phone calls
texts
meals prepared by family/friends/strangers
handmade scarves
inspirational books
care packages
cards
flowers
good luck charms
gifts for Sweet Potato
prayers being said across a variety of religions
grocery and restaurant gift cards
donations to fundraising pages
and the list goes on...

Jeremy and I have always prided ourselves on being financially responsible and independent.  We live in a modest townhouse, have decent cars, excellent credit (I am very proud of this), we pay bills and credit cards on time, we stick to a weekly budget, we save up money for travel or emergencies, if we can't afford it we don't buy it, etc. etc.  We're not rich but we're also not stupid.

But then something nasty comes knocking on the door and demands to move in for a while.  Cancer is our new housemate, and doesn't seem to care that we have a baby on the way.  And last time I checked, cancer and babies ain't cheap!  

I've never been in a position like this, and it is very humbling to be okay with accepting help when it's offered.  I have a stubborn personality, and feel like I can take care of everything.  Like, I'm fine...I got it...let's talk about you now!  Heck, I make a living helping people deal with their own daily struggles and am just not used to the tables being turned so suddenly.

There are two special people who have recently set up fundraising pages, to help us deal with the inevitable medical bills that are slowly but surely starting to roll our way.  

My amazing mother-in-law, Debbie, who's pretty much the nicest and most selfless person you'll ever meet, created a page after being asked by her coworkers, friends, and family how they could help.  She has also helped us find some great nursery furniture and other items we need by scouring the internet and jumping on a good deal when she sees it. 
Debbie's FundRazr Page

My sweet friend from high school, Amanda, also created a donation page for people who wish to contribute.  Thank you, Amanda...hugs from afar! And come visit us again soon :)
Amanda's GoFundMe Page

My dear brother, Chris, along with help from my cousin Sam and the rest of our crazy awesome extended family up north, set up a joint checking account for my sister and I to use when we need it.  Chris has really stepped up to the plate and been the best big brother that Sherri and I could ever ask for.  So on behalf of myself and my sister, who is not schooled in the world of blogging, THANK YOU.

My parents, Phyllis and Bill, also deserve a HUGE shout out.  Imagine learning that your oldest daughter has cancer.  And imagine that your daughter's husband is getting ready to have open heart surgery.  Then imagine that one week later, your youngest daughter, who is expecting her first child, calls you up to tell you that she has cancer too.  Mom and dad have been doing an unbelievable job dividing their time and love among all of us sickies. But, they need support as well and I have to keep reminding them that it's okay if they need to take a break.  It's actually a necessity!  So if you know them, please take a moment to remind them how great they are. Because, well, they are :)

I am learning that it's okay to let others help.  But what do you say to all of this?  A simple thank you seems completely underwhelming.  So, my hope is to pay it forward someday when somebody else finds themselves in an unimaginable situation.  I will be there for you, cancer free, with bells on and a healthy baby in tow!

Updates from August 18-22

This week I worked a fairly regular schedule and tried to see all of my clients before taking more time off for chemo.  I also had several doctor appointments so here's the quick rundown on that:

Eye Doctor 8/20/14

Went for an annual exam (love waiting until I'm on my last pair of contacts!).  I went to a new doctor this time because I wasn't crazy about the place I'd been going for the past several years.  My vision hadn't changed and I talked briefly with the optometrist about my diagnosis. She mentioned that because breast cancer can sometimes spread to the brain, it is good to monitor for any changes in vision that could be a symptom of brain metastasis.  

Maternal Fetal Specialist 8/21/14

Jeremy left work a few hours early so he could come along for another ultrasound to get some pre-chemo measurements of the baby.  As of today, I'm 22 weeks, 5 days pregnant.  Baby is measuring perfectly and weighs about 1lb. 3oz., right on par!  His heart and all of his organs are up and running normally.  We saw him stretching and moving around, though he was too stubborn to pose for any pictures.  We joked that he officially met his first bully:  the ultrasound tech who pushed him around trying to get him in a different position to no avail.  I wonder where he gets his stubbornness from?!

We'll be visiting Dr. R. every 3 weeks, so she can check on Sweet Potato just prior to each chemo treatment.  She'll mainly be monitoring his growth, to see if it stalls or becomes restricted in any way.  

Oncologist 8/22/14

My mom came along to my oncology appointment today.  I'm glad she's been able to meet some of the doctors on my team, not to mention she's really good at taking notes so that I'm free to just listen to the doctor and not have to commit everything to memory.

I was the first appointment of the day and lucky me, I got to have labs taken by my favorite gruff nurse!  She took one look at my arm, which has a huge bruise from where I had a blood draw last week and said "Oh boy, I hope they left some juicy blood for me!"   Gee, I hope so too, lady.  My right arm can no longer be used for bloodwork, IV's, or even blood pressure cuffs, due to my surgery and the lymph nodes that were removed on that side.  So, my left arm gets all the action.   I was told this will be the case for the next 5-10 years and possibly forever?  I wonder what people do who've had a double mastectomy and can't use either arm?  Oh well....gruff nurse did a great job on the blood draw so that's all I cared about at the moment.

Dr. M. came in to review each chemo medication, along with all of the pre-meds I'll be getting (such as fluids, anti-nausea, and steroids).  He then looked up each medication on the computer to show us risk factors, side effects, etc. as well as their history of use during pregnancy.  He even looked up a variety of OTC meds that I might need, to combat various side effects in the days to come. Most of my meds are Category A or B (safe to take during pregnancy), but some are Category C (not as safe for pregnancy).  However, in some cases the potential benefits outweigh the risk and so we just have to cross fingers that the meds will do their job and not harm the baby.

Not all chemo drugs are created equal.  For example, they don't all cause hair loss.  In my case, hair loss will be a definite.  It should start to happen within a few weeks after my first treatment.  I'll cross that bridge when I come to it, because I know it's going to be weird.  If you look at me right now, there's no way to tell that there's anything "wrong".  But once the hair is gone (not to mention the presence of a pregnant belly), I know it's going to draw a lot of attention my way, and I'm not looking forward to this!  If I were to donate to Locks of Love, would they let me take my hair back so I could just glue it back in place? Hmmm... 

For my first four treatments, here are the specifics on the two chemo drugs I'll be receiving:

Doxorubicin (Adriamycin):  This med is lovingly nicknamed "the red devil."  Common side effects include nausea/vomiting, hair loss, fatigue, mouth sores, red urine, loss of appetite (due to food tasting different), nail weakness, increased risk of infection due to low WBC, and heart problems.  There's a lifetime cap for anyone taking this med, due to it's potential to cause heart failure.  My doctor assured me that my doses are well below maximum levels, but I'll still be monitored carefully.

Cyclophosphamide (Cytoxan):  low WBC count, hair loss, nausea/vomiting, loss of appetite, mouth sores, stomach issues.  This med can also affect kidneys, so drinking a lot of water is super important.

Each treatment should take about 5-6 hours and I'll be going to an ambulatory care unit at the hospital.  Dr. M. explained that I'll probably feel my worst during the 3-10 days after treatment.  This is also when my immune system is weaker and I'll be more susceptible to infection.  So, he recommended that I stay home for 10 days after each treatment.  This caught me off guard a bit, since I expected I'd feel sick for a couple days afterward, and then be good to go for the next two weeks.  He also explained that the effects of chemo are cumulative, meaning that the side effects typically worsen as you progress through each treatment.  Being pregnant complicates things further, since pregnancy alone causes a weaker immune system.  But I'm learning to keep myself and my baby's health the top priority right now, so I'll do whatever it takes, even if it means some very sad looking paychecks.  I'm just lucky to have a pretty flexible job that allows me to work when I'm able, and allows for time off when needed.

When I had my mastectomy, Dr. A. also inserted a port, which is a small device implanted directly under the skin in which you can receive IV medication and also have blood drawn.  It's  located on my left side, kind of halfway between my collarbone and armpit and feels about the size of a quarter.  It's internally connected via a small catheter to a vein (maybe the jugular?  Honestly, the idea kind of freaks me out so I don't ask a lot of questions about this).  In any case, a port makes the process of frequent IV/bloodwork a lot easier because they don't have to mess with your arm.   They just do a quick stick into the port and then all of the various drugs are administered directly through tubes without having to touch you.  I was a little nervous about the "sticking" part of the process, and asked the doctor about some topical cream (called EMLA cream)  I'd read about that can numb the area.  He said I could try it but that most people don't feel the need for it.  I decided to tough it out and see how the first treatment goes before deciding if it's necessary.

Dr. M. is also going to send me in for IV fluids on the 3rd day following each chemo.  This is another precaution to make sure I don't get dehydrated.  It should take about 2 hours.

So, overall, this was a good appointment, and I left feeling prepared rather than defeated.  My mom got a good vibe from the doctor, and appreciated his thoroughness and ability to answer our questions with confidence.

The countdown is on, and I'm ready to hop on the chemo train and get things rolling!  Next on my agenda is a busy weekend, which I'll write about next so stay tuned :)

The Chemo Plan

This week Jeremy and I met with the oncologist to get details on the next step of my treatment: chemo.  The doctor suggested starting the first round about a month after surgery, which means that August 26th will be the first day.

He explained that initially, two medications will be used.  But, I didn't take notes and now can't remember their names (maybe this is a good thing since now I can't google myself into a frenzy).  I do know that one starts with "A," and the other starts with "C".  I'll go for treatment once every 3 weeks, for a total of four treatments.  Then, it'll be time to deliver Sweet Potato!

My due date is December 20th, but it looks like baby boy will be arriving about a month earlier, sometime in mid/late November.  This decision was made by the oncologist and perinatologist, who did some math and concluded that the optimal time for delivery will be when I'm about 35-36 weeks.  By this point, the baby will almost be considered full-term, and my blood count should be at levels that deem me healthy enough to deliver. 

After the baby is born, my chemo treatments will be kicked up a notch.  A third medication will be added (something that starts with "T").  This particular med has been used with other pregnant women, but my doctor felt more comfortable waiting until the baby is born to add it to the mix.  Instead of treatments every 3 weeks, they will occur once a week for 12 weeks.  So, I'll have a total of 16 treatments between now and February-ish.

Dr. M. made it clear that the baby will be exposed to these drugs, there's just no way around it.  The main concern for the baby will be monitoring his growth, low birth weight, etc.  I feel so guilty that he has to be exposed to all of this garbage before he's even born, but I know that it needs to be done and he'll be the strongest, bravest baby this side of the Mississip!

The oncologist also reviewed the pathology report with us.  We had already gone over this with the surgeon, so there wasn't any "new" news, but I'll admit I was hoping to gain some reassurance from this doctor.  Typically, the bigger the tumor and the more lymph nodes that are involved, the poorer the prognosis.  So, I expressed my concern about the size of my tumor, telling him that it seemed really big.  Off the charts big.  

I imagined he'd say something like, "Oh, I've seen them WAY bigger!  Yours was totally average."  But instead he just shook his head in agreement and said, "Yes, it was pretty large."  

And then I asked about the large amount of lymph nodes removed...didn't it seem like a LOT? 

"Yes, there were a lot." 

Alright then...

We asked for clarification about the tests I'd had to determine whether the cancer had spread.  Because of the baby, I was only allowed to have ultrasounds, mammograms, and an x-ray.  No MRI, PET scan, CAT scan, etc.  Without being able to have these tests, how confident could he be?  The purpose of the chest x-ray was to see if anything had spread to my lungs.  He explained that the x-ray is a "good" diagnostic tool, but admitted that it's not "great."  The liver ultrasound was a pretty good indicator, so he felt confident that it didn't spread there.  But he admitted that yes, because I'm pregnant and couldn't have more advanced imaging tests, that there's just no way to know for sure.  

So this is the realization that's left swimming around in my head.  Even though surgery removed the bulk of the cancer, there's no telling whether any of it managed to escape elsewhere.  The thought of cells dividing and multiplying non-stop 24/7 while I have to wait another 2 weeks to start chemo is my current fear.  

Once the baby is born, I'm sure I'll have every scan in the book, but it's a long wait until then when I want piece of mind now.  

Near the end of the appointment we decided to go for the gold and ask the doctor his opinion on my overall prognosis. Enthusiastic cheers of "we can do this!" and "you're in good hands!" would have been my preference.  Just humor me a little bit!   But the best he could do was say that my cancer is very aggressive, and we have some work to do.

I'm trying not to let the "poor me" attitude take over.  It's completely normal that a situation like this is going to lead to a rollercoaster of emotions not just for myself, but for everyone around me.  So many people have told me how strong I am and how much they believe that I can get through this.  I just need to work on believing in myself and our Sweet Potato.  I know I'll get there, but today just wasn't one of those days.

In Other News

This week I also had a routine appointment with my OB.  I heard baby's heartbeat (still a strong 150 bpm!) and all was well in that department.

On Thursday I had another follow-up with the surgeon.  Since Jeremy went back to work this week (BOOOOOOOO), I asked my mom to come along and was happy that she got to meet Dr. A.  She checked my incisions and said everything is continuing to heal really well.  Since my drains came out a week ago, I was convinced that I felt a lot of fluid building up under my arm, but she said it's not fluid, but rather just a combination of swelling/numbness and should start to taper off as my body readjusts to the situation.  I also had some genetic testing done, to determine my future risk of various cancers.  This will help decide if it'll ever be necessary to have any preventative surgery down the road. I'm currently waiting to see if my insurance will cover any portion of it, as it's apparently quite expensive.  

My mom and I left Dr. A's office feeling optimistic, because she commented that she felt we caught things early enough and hopefully this will just be a part of my medical history someday.  Can you see why I like her so much?

I started back to work a bit this week, and it feels good to get back into a routine.  I find myself getting tired really easily, though, so I'm taking it one day at a time.

Also this week, my sister finished round 2 of her chemo treatments and she's handling it like a champ (but no surprise there).  Four more to go!

Recovery & Pathology

Recovery is a B!

I stayed overnight at the hospital, and was lucky enough to have an awesome private room at the end of a hallway on a women's only floor.  So, it was nice and quiet and there was even a decent pull-out couch for Jeremy.  My doctor came to check on me at about 9:30pm the day of my surgery, which means she had been at the hospital for 16+ hours. She said she'd return bright and early around 5:30am the next morning to check on me again before she began another day of surgeries.  So, she basically went home for a few hours to sleep.  This is another instance that gave me a new level of respect for doctors.  

Before being discharged, we had a quick check on the baby's heartbeat, which was still nice and strong!  Then, a nurse came in to show Jeremy and I how to take care of my drains, which would be my two new BFF's for the next week, as they would literally be attached to me 24/7.  If you don't enjoy TMI, feel free to skip the next paragraph.

Drains kind of gross me out.  Obviously, their purpose is to collect excess fluid drainage (mostly blood and yellowy stuff and I don't know what else, water?)  You have to manually empty them into a container every so often, which is kind of like squeezing a plastic juice box. You measure and record how much fluid there is on a data sheet (as a behavior analyst, this is exciting stuff!).  Then you have to squeeze your fingers along the drainage tubes to make sure that no clots are stuck along the way.  But, don't pull too hard because you don't want to actually yank the drains out.  I was totally not ready/willing to do this on my own, so Jeremy stepped up to the plate to take on the task as my home health nurse. Super romantic stuff!  He did it without batting an eye. 

Can I take a minute to talk about how clutch Jeremy has been?  From the minute we were presented with this awful news, he's been exactly what I needed him to be.  Not too clingy, not too distant.  Juuuuusssssst right.  He's helped me do all of the everyday tasks that I didn't think I'd need help doing for at least another 50 years:  helping me shower/get dressed/change bandages/reach for my beloved chapstick when it fell on the floor because I couldn't lift my arm, going with me to every appointment, helping me remember which questions to ask the doctors, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, calling or texting all the friends and family who want updates but don't want to bother me, making sure my pillows are in the perfect formation, remembering to feed Charley, talking to Sweet Potato every day, not getting upset if I wake him up in the middle of the night because I just came across some scary statistics on the internet and am now wide awake with fear...the list goes on, but the bottom line is that we're in the middle of living out our wedding vows (..."in sickness and in health") and he is getting an A+.  I don't know what I'd do without his support.

I had home health nurses visit every day, to check the incisions, drains, take vitals, etc. On the first visit, the nurse removed my bandages, which involved about a mile of ace wraps.  I told her that I wasn't ready to look yet and she totally got it so I just stood there bewildered while she checked on everything.  She measured the length of my incision, which is over 8 inches long.  Yowza.  But everything was healing properly and she scheduled another visit for the following day.

My first emotional breakdown post-surgery occurred when our AC decided to stop working the day after we got home.  Ain't nobody got time for heat stroke, or for that matter, a crazy expensive home repair!  So the repair guy came out and fixed it, but shortly thereafter we noticed that the thermostat was creeping up instead of down.  We call the repairman back, but by that time the call was forwarded to an answering service and we'd have to wait until after 11pm.  And the house was 82 degrees.  So, cue the crying spell! Luckily, my parents live 5 minutes away and came to my rescue while Jeremy stayed behind, determined to finish painting the nursery while dripping sweat and waiting for sweet relief to arrive.  Did I mention that he's been the one "nesting" instead of me?  In the end, the AC was fixed and I was able to sleep in my bed that night :)

Jeremy's dad and his wife came to visit over the weekend.  It was great to visit with them, and the guys took some time to put the crib together and fix a few random things around the house.  After 5 days stuck at home, I went on my first "outing" to lunch in Tarpon Springs.  I was feeling ok at first, and we decided to walk around some nearby antique shops.  This is when I started to feel sore and tired, so we decided not to push it and headed home.  

Follow-up with the Surgeon and Pathology Report:

Nine days post-op was my follow-up visit with the surgeon.  Dr. A. was happy with how everything was healing, and decided it was time to take out the drains, which means I'd be able to drive again.  The nurse came in and I was expecting this to be quite unpleasant, but I actually didn't feel a thing.  In fact, most of my underarm (and the back of my upper arm) is now permanently numb; other areas feel permanently bruised.  This definitely takes some getting used but I can live with it.

Now that another pathology report was completed (based on everything the doctor removed in surgery), she was able to confirm the type of cancer I have: Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, which is the most common type of breast cancer.  She also noted that the tumor was 11 centimeters long and 43 lymph nodes were removed, 21 of which were positive for cancer cells.  These stats really took me by surprise.  I've read a lot of "survivor stories" on the internet, and also schooled myself on how stages of cancer are determined, and those numbers seemed significantly higher than anything else I had come across.  Like, significantly. Most people have maybe 3-4 lymph nodes removed, with one testing positive for cancer, or maybe none positive at all. And it seems like most tumors are no more than 5cm.  I know I can't believe everything I read on the internet, and every case is different, but my numbers seem like they break a record that I have no interest in breaking.  But, the one piece of positivity that came out of this report is that the margins were clear.  This means that the perimeter around the entire area that was removed did not show any signs of cancer cells, meaning it's less likely that cells crossed over the area into other parts of my body.  

I also tested ER+, which means that my cancer cells responded to the estrogen and progesterone in my body, causing them to grow more quickly (and holy sh-- they grew quickly). The good news is that there are some hormone therapy wonder drugs out there that can address this.  It involves taking a daily pill for the next 5-10 years, and is supposed to significantly decrease the recurrence rate.  I tested negative for the HER-2 protein.  This is a good thing, because if I were positive, I'd have to take a certain chemo drug that wouldn't be safe for the baby.  My sister is HER-2 positive, and has already started her chemo (2 treatments down, 4 to go!)

So, this definitely puts me in the "Stage 3" category ("Stage 4" indicates that cancer has spread beyond the lymph nodes to other parts of the body, and thankfully, this has not been the case for me so far).  FINGERS CROSSED.  This is another reason why I try not to over-do the Google searching.  When you look up 5-year survival rates for the different stages of breast cancer, it's a true reality check.  Here's the general breakdown, according to the American Cancer Society:

Stage 0:  100% 

Stage 1:  100%

Stage 2:  93%

Stage 3:  72%

Stage 4:  22%

I admit that I've struggled between trying to find a balance between being well-informed about my situation, but also not overloading myself with facts and figures that only cause me to worry.  I think of my Sweet Potato and am reminded that stress and anxiety doesn't do him any good.  There's something to be said about the power of positive thinking!